I Made A Mistake

I screwed up. Last week my screen time increased by 130%, I spent about 8 hours a day browsing and surfing youtube.

At Christmas dinner my nephew vomited on the staircase, which splattered the whole family who were standing downstairs. In the process he infected the whole family with the flu, including me.

I was stuck in bed with a horrible cough and headache for 3-4 days. I had delusions of how I “should” spend this time. I noticed guilt that was creeping up inside of me. But how else did I expect to spend my time while I was getting better? I could have read, but my head hurt too much to really be able to concentrate.

So I gave in. I let myself binge on movies and screen time between sleeping for 3-4 days. And you know what? It was exactly what I needed to get through and get better.

I’ve stared to notice a trend where we (myself included) demonize using screen time when it’s perfectly appropriate. At times it can be massively helpful to our circumstances. It can help us connect with others. Or have a moment of not feeling so alone. Or give us a laugh in a time of need.

The problems with it arise when our lives fall into a default of not using technology as the tool it is. When we continue to use it and cannot recognize that it is making us miserable. Or when we don’t ask ourselves: “was that time I spent with technology necessary for what I need right now?”

When We Feel Guilt, We Should Pay Attention

When we feel guilt, it’s a sign that our behavior is out of alignment with our values.

But we often continue to beat ourselves up for it. Which fuels emotions like shame. In my experience, shame isn’t a net positive for getting me where I want to go. Typically it causes me to stagnate or wallow and get stuck.

So what I learned is: recognize the guilt. Accept you failed - and move on.

This weekend, I started to feel better physically but my mental state was in the garbage from 3-4 days spent in bed. I did some reflection and determined what I was missing was connection with others. I came up with an action plan to solve that as quickly as I could.

I signed up for a ski lesson the next day and spent Saturday afternoon skiing and making new friends. That energized me so much that on the way home I stopped by a bar that I’d always been curious about. I sat at the bar and chatted with the bartender (something that I never do!). I was able to do this because I “leaned in” to accepting it’d probably be emotionally uncomfortable.

It was a little bit uncomfortable. But I also had a nice little chat with the bartender who was a woman around my age, so it was worth it.

Failure Is Inevitable, Why Resist It?

This won’t be the last time that I fail. I’ll continue to have trip ups where I fall into bad habits again. Internet use isn’t like smoking or other addictions where we can cut it cold turkey forever.

Because of this we need to recognize and then accept when we trip up. But continue to work towards building the skills and the systems in our life that make it easy to get back on track.

That means building our local community, improving awareness of our own thoughts/needs/emotions, and finding alternative activities we love to do.

So next time you trip up, admit you failed - but then pick yourself up and move on. You’ve got this.